My Sister is Dating a Gold Digger: How to Help Her
By Christina Lyon
“She take my money, when I’m in need, yeah, she’s a triflin’ friend indeed… oh, she’s a gold digger.”
Or is she?
We’ve come a long way since Kanye West released “Gold Digger” in 2005, a song about a gold-digging woman chasing a man’s wealth. Now, dating a gold digger isn’t strictly a “man’s” experience.
What has changed exactly, you ask?
- Women are the breadwinner in 30% of households, according to the latest U.S. census.
- Several women are now billionaires, including Françoise Bettencourt, MacKenzie Scott, Yang Huiyan, and Alice Walton.
- Kamala Harris just became the first female Vice President of the United States.
- Female CEOs are leading successful empires like YouTube, Bumble, General Motors, and IBM.
Yes, more and more women are making money… good money. Is your relative one of them? If so, she may be a target for gold-diggers looking to cash in on her wealth.
Here’s how you can help a family member dating a gold digger.
How to Spot a Male Gold Digger
How do gold diggers act, anyway? Where there are gold diggers, there are red flags. For example, is your female family member buying a new boyfriend expensive gifts like a house or fancy car? Has she given him access to her bank account?
These are all red flags that she could be mixed up with a gold digger — especially if it’s a new relationship.
Sadly, as women climb the corporate ladder, create their financial empires, and accrue massive gains on the way up, some men are looking to take advantage of their high status.
And while the media more frequently depicts young women chasing older men’s wealth, the male gold digger is more common than you think. Many women are dating a gold digger right now!
Last year’s docuseries, “Love Fraud,” shines the shady light on a con man that swindled multiple women into false romance, only to squander their money and rack up massive credit card debt.
For one poor woman, the financial loss was shocking: $750,000 in debt.
The pattern looks like this: the scammer meets a woman on social media, or reconnects with an old high school fling, woos her with romance, marries her (or attempts to), co-signs on a house, joins her bank account, and starts spending money like it grows on trees.
Then? Well, let’s just say once he’s had his fun, he’ll head out for that pack of cigarettes, leaving her alone, robbed, and heartbroken.
Once the pseudo, newly “rich man” made his fortune, he moved on to the next victim.
Sadly, these scammers prey on women looking for love and romance and then leach off their financial status.
Do you suspect your female family member is dating a gold digger? You’re in a tricky spot because she might be enjoying the romance of her life, ignorant to his motives. You can help her, but it’s going to take some finesse.
How to Protect Her When Dating a Gold Digger
Whether you think he’s in it for financial gain, to indulge his expensive tastes, or have entitlement to whatever he wants, your family member might not see the red flags as you do. And sadly, getting through to her about dating a gold digger might not be easy.
Here’s what you can do.
Approach The Conversation Delicately
Depending on the relationship’s status, she might go on the defense if you approach her too curtly. Often, bad intentions come out with time, but gold diggers move fast. In her mind, her new relationship could be what she’s been missing in her life.
Start by telling her how amazing she is and that she deserves to be in a healthy relationship with someone that respects her.
Then gently bring up the warning signs. Explain the red flags you’ve seen with expensive gifts, high-end getaways, and luxurious new purchases. You don’t want to blurt out, “You’re dating a gold digger!” but try to get there subtly.
Ultimately, ask her if she thinks he’d stick around if she suddenly lost her wealth.
Don’t just tell her how you feel, but try to illuminate these issues so that she comes to the conclusion herself. She still may refuse to hear this, in which case you’ll need to involve a third party.
Consult with a Professional Advisor
There are several professionals who can assist you at this difficult time, and it’s vital to know where to turn.
- Call an Asset Protection Lawyer. Their job is to protect the accrued assets and wealth of your loved one. An attorney can enforce legal protections to safeguard her wealth against a gold digger.
- Talk to An Accountant. If you don’t know a reputable asset protection lawyer, ask your accountant for a referral. You can also ask the accountant for financial guidance for your family member.
- Seek Advice from a Financial Advisor. Financial advisors guide individuals on ways to build and protect wealth. They can also advise you on protecting your loved one’s wealth or offer referrals to specialists proficient in dealing with this type of situation.
- Refer Her to a Marriage and Family Therapist. She may not be open to therapy yet, but if she’s been the victim of a gold digger, she’s going to have emotional trauma and rooted distrust. A marriage and family therapist can unpack the pain she’s endured and build up her confidence to love again genuinely.
Get a Background Check
Are you suspicious of this new man in her life but aren’t sure how to verify your suspicions? You may want to contact a private investigator to cut through the confusion.
A private investigator can run a simple background check on him to dig up information about his past.
But be prepared because what you find out may alarm you. It’s common for gold diggers to have taken advantage of other women before finding their new girlfriend, aka the latest victim.
And in some cases, their prior scams may have resulted in somber outcomes like the mysterious death of a former wife.
Yes, this issue is scary, which is why it’s crucial to protect your loved one from a gold digger.
Involve Other Family Members
Tackling the situation alone can emotionally drain you. At this point, it’s helpful to call in backup from another family member — they may even have concerns they’ve been reluctant to express.
Reach out to other close relatives of your family member. Have they noticed any red flags in this new relationship? Are they also concerned?
Having help will alleviate the load off your shoulders and unite you both in the effort to help your loved one.
Have Her Sign a Prenup
Sometimes a whirlwind romance can escalate to “serious” status quickly. Are they already talking about marriage? This is not only a serious red flag but a major risk.
If she’s caught up in the romance of his seduction, she might not see that he’s taking advantage of her and using her for her money.
So, if she’s dodging your concerns about dating a gold digger and already well into wedding planning, it’s time to bring up the prenup.
A prenuptial agreement will legally protect her if the relationship ends in divorce. You may not be able to stop him from breaking her heart, but if you convince her to sign a prenup, you can stop him from taking her wealth.
Stand with Her and Affirm Her
This is probably your loved one’s first time being taken advantage of in this way. And there’s no sugar coating it: getting used for your money is devastating. Not only can it shatter her ego, but her heart, too.
She’ll likely feel defensive or duped, both of which are challenging situations to endure. Affirm her with positive feedback and tell her she’s worthy of more.
Also, remind her that it’s not her fault that she got caught up with a gold digger. Unfortunately, it happens often because gold-digging men prey on vulnerable women, seduce them into a relationship, and in the process, take advantage of her financial situation.
Tell her that she is worthy of true love, and this isn’t it. Above all, stand with her in solidarity as she recovers from the abuse, because yes, being taken advantage of for financial gain without her consent is emotional abuse. Lastly, remind her of what genuine relationships look like. By supporting and protecting her through this difficult time, you’ve shown her she deserves genuine relationships with people who love her for her — not her money.
Need more advice on helping family members (or dealing with them), we can help.